Leaving a Legacy
It's As Simple As Sunday Morning Pancakes
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When we hear the word “legacy”, it’s not unusual to think about our financial portfolios. We think about how the money we leave behind may positively impact our loved ones, a charity of our choosing or a cause we stand behind. And it’s true – money can bring positive and long-lasting change. But building a legacy is about so much more than how well we played the stock market.
And what if we are poor when we die?
Of course there are a few ways that money can make life easier at end-of-life. We may have the ability to hire home care (which is quite costly) and be able to stay in our house. We may be able to afford the nicer facility with a door man and a happy hour. We may not have to experience stress over obnoxiously high co-pays on your medication. Sure, these options may soften the hard situation that is end-of-life.
There are so many things money can’t soften on this journey.
It can’t bring back friends who have already died. It often can’t change the course of our disease. Most often, it is not the thing that alleviates physical or emotional pain. These are the heartaches of end-of-life that may need to be addressed in other ways - acceptance, introspection, personal growth. Or these challenges may not be able to be addressed at all. There may (and likely will ) be pain at end-of-life that JUST IS.
A focus on leaving a legacy, one beyond a portfolio, can shift the perspective of end-of-life from loss and pain to continuation and having a positive impact.
I have found that most of my clients, regardless of circumstance, want to reflect on their life and talk about what they will leave behind. As we reviewed Michael’s life, he said that he was a simple man who led a simple life. He connected with his kids, had a rich (and not the kind with dollar signs) family life and was proud of his long career as a janitor in his kid’s school district. He told me that they couldn’t afford to do fun, exciting things on the weekend, so he would always make sure to make Sunday morning pancakes. As he was approaching the end, his kids told him how much this seemingly small, simple act greatly impacted them. Every week, it was something to look forward to. It was consistency in an inconsistent world. They loved that Sunday morning time, everyone sitting at the table with stories and laughter, slathering on butter and syrup. Being seen and sharing love. It was so meaningful to them that they’ve continued Sunday morning pancakes with their own families.
My happiest client, Michael, was also the poorest. And he may have left behind the most impactful legacy.
Where to Start?
There are so many non-financial ways to leave something meaningful behind – passing down traditions, writing letters to loved ones, planting trees, volunteering, becoming an advocate, cultivating relationships, etc.. It can be overwhelming and it’s impossible to do them all. So how can we narrow our focus?
Express Our Fears: This allows an opportunity for the deeper conversations that can bring values to the surface. Exp: “I fear people will forget me.”.
Identify Our Values: This helps us discover what we are proud of, what lessons do we want to pass long, what relationships were most meaningful, etc.. Exp: “I’m most proud of the relationships that I had with my kids because I really value connection.”.
Clarify Our Legacy Focus: Reflecting on fears and values can help identify a specific legacy focus. Exp: “I fear people will forget me. I’m most proud of the relationships that I had with my kids because I really value connection. Maybe a meaningful legacy focus would be to write letters or create photo albums for them. “.
Make the pancakes and remember - true legacy is left in the beautifully mundane moments of everyday life.
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